sigh. Graduation approaches.

I had a scholarship dinner last night for the Exchange Club of Hanover.  The guest speaker had mentioned the memories we'll have and the things we'll think about in a few years when looking back at our high school years.  To be honest, I cried a bit when I listened to him speak. When I look back at my high school years, I'll think about how much I have wasted.  How little I have done to help change the world around me.  I'll think about all the bad and the little good. I'll think about my best friend and I having a really tough time together and losing some of the best friends I've ever had.  I'll think about Dustin and about how my heart is broken and empty without him.  I am still working on getting over him, but it's not as easy as I thought it would be.
I am so scared to graduate and move on with my life.  I wish I could stay in school forever and not have to deal with the worries of actually growing up.  I want to become a paralegal and maybe even a lawyer, but I am scared to have to live on my own.  Work to pay my own bills.  And to do all this while maintaining my happiness, making a family, finding love, maintaining that love.  It's going to tough.  And I'm terrified.