sigh. Graduation approaches.

Wed, 21 May 2008 13:11:51 -0000

I had a scholarship dinner last night for the Exchange Club of Hanover. The guest speaker had mentioned the memories we'll have and the things we'll think about in a few years when looking back at our high school years. To be honest, I cried a bit when I listened to him speak. When I look back at my high school years, I'll think about how much I have wasted. How little I have done to help change the world around me. I'll think about all the bad and the little good. I'll think about my best friend and I having a really tough time together and losing some of the best friends I've ever had. I'll think about Dustin and about how my heart is broken and empty without him. I am still working on getting over him, but it's not as easy as I thought it would be.
I am so scared to graduate and move on with my life. I wish I could stay in school forever and not have to deal with the worries of actually growing up. I want to become a paralegal and maybe even a lawyer, but I am scared to have to live on my own. Work to pay my own bills. And to do all this while maintaining my happiness, making a family, finding love, maintaining that love. It's going to tough. And I'm terrified.

Today is just the first step.

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 13:26:12 -0000

      My boyfriend of almost two years and I just broke up yesterday. It's been going down hill for awhile now. We've slowly drifted apart. I'm honestly perfectly fine not being with him until I sit at night and think about how he'd normally call to say good night.  It's going to be hard to live without for awhile. I am just so used to him always being there, but I know this is for the best. Everything happens for a reason, this reason is just unknown to me as of now.
      I have to look on the bright side and realize how much I am able to take away from my experiences with him in my life. He tought me a new way to love and live.   He has shown me that not all the little things should matter as much as I let them. He's taught me to let somethings go while still holding on to them in my heart. And right now, that's what I'm doing. I'll always love him. He was my first, true love. And it was amazing. Dustin is a great guy and he'll find someone that will be perfect for him. As I will find someone that is meant for me. It will just take some time, some tears, and a lot of talks with my mother and friends. I'll always love him, truly and deeply.
      But today is the first step of a new life. I am going to do so many things I haven't been able to do because I've spent so much time revolving my life around him. I'm not sure, just yet, what those things will be, but I know I will have fun no matter what it is.
      I want to take part in making my community a better place for children to grow up. I am straight edge and I take pride in it. I want to teach others about the dangers of alcohol, drugs, smoking, and promiscuity. I'm not sure how to go about it, but I just have to find that first step. Maybe just by blogging and getting my voice and opinions out there, someone will want to listen, learn more, and even promise themselves that they will abstain from such harmful poisons.
      Either way, today is a new day. Tomorrow will be good. It's supposed to be nice. :)

Gaia Community: l\l ! ( ( ) l_ 3's Blog

sigh. Graduation approaches.

Today is just the first step.